PPD (Post-Professor Depression)

When I started this blog, way back in 2012, I intended to share information about local trails and local eats, from across Oregon. This is why the blog is called eatORrun (eating and running in Oregon). My job allows me the opportunity to travel all over this gorgeous state, and I wanted to share local finds.

Unfortunately, these past six years have seen a lot more eating than running. These last two years, in particular, have taken their toll on my health.

In 2016, I made the decision to go up for promotion for Full Professor. I had seen a couple of colleagues in similar positions, with similar levels of productivity, succeed in their own bids for promotion. I decided to go for it.

At this time, I was already a work-a-holic. There was very little division between my work life and my home life. My husband worked evenings, which left me with even more time to cross 'just one more thing' off of my to-do list. My Master Gardener duties regularly required me to attend meetings or teach classes on the weekend. Making the decision to go up for Full Professor meant that I was making the decision to take it up a notch at work.

And I did. I increased my workload in 2016, knowing that I would have to squeeze every last bit of productivity out of myself, and onto my CV. Even after my full dossier had been submitted in 2017, and there was nothing else I could do (except wait), I did not let up. I was afraid to let down my guard, in case I was not promoted. I wanted to be prepared to resubmit an updated dossier in 2018, should I need to.

During this time, 70 hour work weeks were the norm. I kept pushing, and pushing, thinking that it would all get better after I was promoted. I knew that I was sacrificing my health to put more time into my career, but I kept thinking that I would have the freedom to take more time for myself, once I was promoted.

Well, I was promoted in June 2018. Three months post-promotion, my work schedule remains insane. My work life balance is still askew. And, I'm not quite sure why. Theoretically, I should have greater freedom to say 'no' more often, at work. In reality, I take pride in doing a great job at work, and I hate disappointing people.

But, I also want and deserve to live a healthy life. Running has not been a regular part of my life for years. Neither has adequate sleep. I regularly turned to food for comfort from stress. And at 47, it is all catching up to me.

I want to run, again. I want to enjoy healthy, delicious food. I want to catch up on sleep, and to make myself a priority. At the same time, I want to continue doing great work ~ doing good science that contributes to urban sustainability. And, I want to write about it ~ the struggle to achieve work-life balance in academia ~ without worrying that my colleagues or students might read this. In short, I want to do something where I put myself first, after decades of martyring myself for a job.

Easing Back into Running

I ran three times this week!  In 2016, I logged 6 runs, all year.  Why did I take so much time off?  Work (too busy).  Injuries (in near constant pain).  Weather (it's been a long, dark and wet winter in Oregon).  Laziness (let's be honest).

But I've missed running.  I miss the alone time (or time with my dog), to hit the trail and clear my thoughts.  It truly is where I do some of my best thinking.  Some my co-workers have told me that they count running as 'billable hours'.  I have to agree.  I've reworked manuscripts (in my head) on the trail.  I've organized my workday, my thoughts, my life.  But it's taken me a year to ease back into it.

I ran two miles, each time, for a six mile week!  I'm well aware that a distance that takes many people 30 minutes to cover too me a full week.  But, no mind.  I was happy to be back out there.

Work has been brutally busy this past year.  I've taken on too much, and I'm paying for it.  All of this has made me feel like I've had no time to go for a run.  But for the past three months, I've been feeling suffocated by work, and decided it was time to find my breath, again.

I didn't break any land speed records.  I didn't go far.  But I went.  And it felt fantastic.

Top 10 Reasons to Run a Race, Even Though You're Likely to Come in Last

I love to run, but I haven't been graced with the gift of speed.  In grad school, a friend kindly told me that I was the 'tortoise', rather than the 'hare' in Aesop's famous fable.  I think he was trying to console me with thoughts of 'slow and steady wins the race'.  But, I've never won a race in my life.  In fact, I usually finish in the bottom 5% of the field. 

I signed up to run a the 5.2 mile option of the Oregon Mid-Valley Road Race, thinking it would be a good way to start Thanksgiving.  Visions of delicious morsels that would soon be had motivated me to get out there for a run.  Our Thanksgiving day menu of roasted chicken, sweet potato gnocchi with seared brussels sprouts and tarragon cream, mashed potatoes, beet and citrus salad and bread pudding and Maker's Mark pumpkin pie provided plenty of inspiration.

These plans were made before I checked the previous years' race results and realized that I was likely to be the last one to cross the finish line.  Everyone's finish times and splits were faster than my 12:00-12:30 minute miles, and I couldn't help but imagining the race director and volunteers starting to pack up the course while I was still running.

But, I had already signed up, and I didn't want to quit.  Before the race, I tried to think of why one would run, knowing that they would probably come in last.   

Here is what I came up with:  

1. It's possible, although not plausible, that I could finish near the top of the field.  On any given Sunday, right?
2. I'm still able to run, when so many others can't.  My childhood friend, Don.  My high school friend, Heather.  My colleague, Gail.  I don't go to a church.  My runs are when I say a prayer for those who have passed, or those who are waging a furious fight against cancer.  I give thanks with each breath, and try to send healing thoughts out into this world.
3. Runner's World tells me I"ll burn 663 calories on a 5-mile run.  That's just about enough to cover one healthy slice of bourbon pumpkin pie, thank you.
4. The swag is occasionally worthwhile.  I don't normally run for tee shirts (I have too many!), but I liked that this race shirt was a black, long sleeve tech shirt.  The perfect shirt for a fall or spring run.
5. Many local races benefit a worthwhile cause.  Thursday's race benefitted the local Lion's Club, which supports several local charities, including our local schools.
6. Many races have local sponsors, where you can try out local foods or drink.  Eola Hills winery was at the finish line on Thursday, with a healthy glass of pinot noir for finishers.
7. I still can't believe that I spent $99 for a running vest.  A vest!  But, warmth without bulk makes all the difference when running on cold days, and Thursday's run started off at 27 degrees F. 
8. Running with others does help me to push myself just a bit.  I don't run to be miserable.  I enjoy a slow and steady pace.  But, when you're running on someone's heels, sometimes its easier to pick up the pace for a second,and pass them, rather than running elbow to elbow.
9. I run for my (step)kids.  I like modeling the fact that you're never too old to compete or to challenge yourself.  I want them to know that hosting fears about not doing well is not a reason to give up or to not try.
10. Sometimes, the loudest cheers are reserved for the final finisher.  I'm a runner.  I'm slow.  I still get out there and race, even though I will never win a running award.  Maybe that deserves a cheer, after all.

I finished 3rd from last ~ and was in last place until mile 3, when I was able to kick it up a gear and net some negative splits.

I was happy with my run, although not happy with this race.  Organizational issues made it less than fun for some (including me!).  

• Walkers accidentally followed the crowd of runners ~ and found themselves on the 3+ mile course, rather than the 2 mile walking course.  There were announcements about where walkers versus runners should go, but starting the runners and walkers in separate waves would have really helped stem this problem.
• The organizers started closing up the course before I was finished running.  This is a slow runner's nightmare!  I hit a turnabout, with four options where I could run.  No signs.  No volunteers to direct me.  I managed to flag down two volunteers who were driving away, and asked them 'where do I go?!?'.  They pointed me in the right direction, but told me that they were told that the race was finished.  I mentioned that there were two women still behind me ~ but the volunteers still drove away!  Grrrr.
• I almost ran past the finish line for the same reason.  There were no signs.  There were no volunteers.  I was following the cones that were used to direct traffic, and missed the turn-off to the finish line.  This is kind of a bummer, because it just made me feel like I shouldn't have run this race ~ that my slow 12:28 pace wasn't welcome.

There were other, minor issues, as well (water stations not prepared for runners, traffic control on the course seemed to anger drivers / confuse runners).  

I doubt I'll run this race next year, because of the organizational issues.  But, I did like that they offered a 5 mile option (rather than the normal 5K option) for a Thanksgiving Day run.

Crossfit and the Middle-Aged Woman

I admit it.  I've fallen for Crossfit.  Although there are a lot of Crossfit haters out there on the web (read one example, here), I have to say that it's been an awesome addition to my workouts.

Prior to Crossfit, I never did strength training.  I would run modest distances (3-6 miles), 3-6 times per week.  In my ideal world, I would run 3-4 miles 4 days during the work week and 6 miles on the weekend.  But injuries and time made it hard to get in that many runs, each and every week.  Because I like to run trails, rather than around my neighborhood, a weekday run takes me at least an hour (driving to and from the trail, plus 30-45 minutes to run and stretch).  And, I never really felt like I was improving as a runner.  My attempts at speed-work (intervals or tempo runs) almost always ended in injury.  I . . . . just . . . . . felt . . . . . stuck.

And I wanted to try strength training.  But I found the weight room at my University gym to be really intimidating.  I mean, I'm a 42-year old woman.  It doesn't exactly help my self-image to work out next to a bunch of 18-22 year-olds.  I also had no idea what to do in a weight room.

Weight room at OSU's Dixon Recreational Center.

Which is why I turned to Crossfit.  I had tried personal training in the past, and really didn't care for the focused attention.  A description on the website for Calapooia Crossfit likened the process to small group training.  I would get the instruction I needed, without the focused attention that just makes me nervous.

I had never met anyone who did Crossfit.  I barely knew anything about Crossfit when I started, but by my third workout, I was hooked.  Six months later, I've gotten stronger.  I understand how to do basic lifts.  My runs are faster.  My body has muscle tone!  Six months after starting Crossfit, I feel healthier.  And for me, that's always been the point.

I give credit to Calapooia Crossfit for creating such a positive space to learn and to workout.  The instructor (Sam) was a physical education teacher prior to starting the gym.  Her teaching style is clear, patient and never condescending.  I have a Ph.D., but I never feel more stupid than when I'm in the gym.  My mind can't always translate words into motion, so it takes me a lot longer to get a new move, compared to others.  With a less patient or understanding teacher, I probably would have bolted.

The folks who go to the gym range in age from their 20s through their 60s ~ which is awesome.  I don't feel like the 'mom' or the 'old lady' of the group.  I genuinely like the people I work out with.  They're interesting and diverse and funny and humble.

And, I love that I can be in and out of the gym in an hour.  A typical workout is:

• warmup for 3-5 minutes (row, jump rope, run)
• skills work (for me, right now, I'm working on knees to elbows by doing 25-20-15-10-5 back extensions, followed by 5 knees to elbows and 10 push ups between every set of back extensions)

• The workout of the day, or the WOD.  For example, yesterday's WOD was 3 rounds for time of: 15 hang power cleans (I did it with 45 pounds), 15 burpees.  I finished the 3 rounds in just shy of 10 minutes ~ which is a slow time for most, but a good time for me!
• Weightlifting, which is called 'Wendler', after the guy who came up with the system.  A typical Wendler might be 5 sets of 5 reps of squats or 5 sets of 5, 3, 1 reps of military press.  

I always do the warmup and the WOD.  I usually do skills work.  I rarely do my Wendler . . . just because I don't have more than an hour to spend in the gym on most days.  

I limit my gym time 3 days a week, so that I can run the other 3 days a week.  The 7th day is indeed my day of rest.   

And I'm getting healthier, while loving every minute of it!

Downs Park, Pasadena, MD

A fitness station, along the trail.

Location:  Downs Park Outer Loop, Pasadena, MD

Date run: Many times.  I run this loop at least a few times, whenever I'm home visiting family.

Distance: 3.4 Miles, loop

Pros:  This is one of the remaining green spaces in northern Anne Arundel County.  You start and finish the run alongside the Chesapeake Bay.  There's are also fitness stations along a smaller section of the loop, if you're so inclined to do pull ups, sit ups or other calisthenics.  The trail is well marked for distance, every 0.1 of a mile.  The trail winds through fairly typical Eastern deciduous forest.  On runs, I've seen deer, box turtles, pileated wood peckers and other wildlife that are an increasingly rare site in northern Anne Arundel County.

View along the outer loop.

Cons:  The outer loop is paved, which can be a pro, but I find it to be a con.  It's also flat.  Both of these make the run less interesting, for me.  Mosquitoes can be bad at certain points in the summer.  The trail can be crowded, on nice weekends.  There is a $5 per car entry fee, or you can pay $40 for a year round pass.  I don't mind the entry fee all that much.  It grants a bit of peace of mind.  I don't have to worry as much about who I'll encounter on the run, because folks who are on the trail generally want to be out there for recreation.  Otherwise, they wouldn't pay $5 for access.  On other runs in the area, and in my hometown, homeless and drug users are fairly common on the trails.  They've never bothered me, but I've had to have my 'what if' plan, just in case.

Number of people encountered on run:  I usually encounter at least a few folks on this run.  On nice weekends, it can be a bit crowded.

Summary of Run:  Drive into the park, and head towards the bay.  Park in the main parking area, where you'll see a playground to your left and the visitor's center straight ahead.  Walk towards the covered pier (I believe this was originally built as a place for people to paint and draw).  Head down the stairs to the right of the covered pier area.  This is the start of the run.  Green mile markers mark the distance on the outer loop.  The mile markers are split red and green, where the outer loop overlaps with the fitness loop.

I run the loop clockwise.  Once you pass about the 1.0 mile point, you'll more than likely have the trail to yourself on all but the busiest of days.  A bit after the 1.0 mile mark, you'll pass the entry gate, and will have to cross over Mountain Road.  This 'other side' of the park is rarely visited.

The trail winds through fairly typical Eastern deciduous forest.  There seems to be fewer invasive plants and less erosion along stream beds in this park, compared to Patapsco Park, for instance.

There is one very modest climb, as you loop back around to crossing Mountain road, to return to the 'main' section of the park.  The climb is up to a pedestrian bridge that crosses Mountain road, and descends into the main section of the park.

The last 0.5 mile of the run is approaching or along the Chesapeake Bay ~ a real treat at the end of a 5K run!

The run starts and finishes along the Chesapeake Bay.

Distance markers appear every 0.10th of a mile.  The outer loop distance is in green.  Where the outer loop overlaps with the fitness loop, the distance markers are red and green.

Valley View Trail, Elkridge, MD

Location: Patapsco State Park, Avalon Area in Elkridge, MD

Date run:  many times

Distance:  I usually run a 4.0 mile looped route, but you can extend for many more miles, if desired.

Pros:  Even though you're practically in Baltimore City, the sounds and hustle of the city seem so far away.  Gorgeous, eastern deciduous forest with miles and miles of fun and technical trail options.  There is a bathroom, water fountain and covered picnic shelter adjacent to the parking area.  There is another bathroom and water fountain along the route, if you exit the Valley View trail and turn left (towards the swinging bridge), before turning back to go to the parking area (to the right, when you exit the trail).

Cons:  On the weekends, in particular, the trails can be quite crowded with mountain bikers.  Most are amazingly nice, but some of them aren't quite up on trail etiquette.  These few rude bikers can whiz right past you without warning ~ which makes the run not as quiet and serene as I generally like.

Patapsco State Park is just 3 miles from UMBC, where I spent 4.5 quasi-stressful years of my life.  I was a full time student, trying to find a place to fit in, while sometimes working 3 jobs (day, night and weekend) to try and make ends meet.  Or, I was selling my blood and/or plasma to the local blood bank.  Most people have great memories of their undergraduate years.  Frankly, mine were a blur of work, late night cram sessions, monumental relationship implosions and constant worry about if I would have enough money to cover rent ($276 per month), a car payment ($96) plus other basics.  I brought home $480 each month during these days, which left me $108 for gas, food and anything else I might need.  Running out of shampoo or toothpaste was cause for serious concern.  Adding these non-essentials (in that I didn't need to purchase them every month) to the shopping list could break me for the month.

But, my time at UMBC wasn't all bad.  Part time work with an ecology professor introduced me, for the very first time in my life, to the wonders of the natural world.  It was at UMBC that I realized I wanted to be an ecology professor.

And, UMBC is where I first fell in love with running.  Five nights a week, I would run the UMBC loop, a 2.1 mile jaunt around the campus.  Running was a salve to the stress of studying and scraping by.

Not having money for the movies or eating out meant that I had to find free ways to have fun. I would regularly ride my Dynacraft bike (which my friends with fancy bikes dubbed the 'Dyna-crap') to the Avalon Area of Patapsco State Park, where I would roller blade, mountain bike or run.  The bonsus of riding my bike into the park was FREE ENTRY, baby!  You only had to pay an entry fee if you drove a car into the park.

Twenty years later, I still love coming to this park.  I drive in (and gladly pay my entry fee) and park in the Avalon Area, which provides access to several miles of fairly technical trail.

I usually run the 4.0 mile, orange blaze 'Valley View' trail.  Sometimes, I'll add on the 1.5 mile purple blaze trail for fun.  It's fairly easy to get lost on these trails ~ especially if you don't know how to read trail blazes.  With few exceptions, trail blazes are the only markers on these trails.  Learning how to read trail blazes, a skill that you can acquire quickly and easily, is highly recommended before running these trails.


The trails wind through eastern deciduous forest.  I say that the trails are technical, because there has been a lot of trail erosion.  Exposed roots and rutted trails are the norm.  There is also a fairly steep (for me) ascent up to the ridge, once you hop onto the Valley View trail.  But, the first ascent is for less than a third of a mile.  Not too tortuous.  And, running over the roots, hopping on rocks to cross the streams, and barreling down hills during a descent are all so much fun!

I love this park!

Social Networking for Runners ~ The Daily Mile

I've joined DailyMile.com, which is like Facebook for runners.  You can also log your swimming, biking and gym workouts on the site ~ but I use it primarily for running.

I love the site, and have found that I use and enjoy it more than Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites that have become little more than curators of news, events and opinions. 

On the Daily Mile, I'm constantly inspired by others' workouts, and encouraged when they notice that I've reached a new milestone in my own training.  It's great to connect to a community of like-minded folks who are each running their own race, to try and reach whatever individual goals they've set. 

The site also gives some really fun stats about your training, such as how many donuts you've burned (216, since I've starting logging miles on the site), how many TVs you could power (1000+), or how many pounds you've burned (11 ~ although, I haven't lost 11 pounds.  darn appetite!).

It's become one of the first sites I check out, once I wake up ~ and it always encourages me to put on my running clothes and head outdoors  How could I not, when others are logging that they're running in 20 degree F weather, with snow on the ground?  A few Oregon clouds can't really match up to a midwestern winter, when it comes to 'excuses not to run'.